Struggling to Get Your Dog to Hold a “Stay” in Real-Life Situations?

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Teach Your Dog a Rock-Solid Stay

“Stay” is one of the most useful skills a dog can learn. It’s incredibly valuable for real-life scenarios, from quiet dinners at home to visits with friends to sitting out on a café patio, and a variety of other out-in-public activities.

But Stay can also be one of the trickier behaviors to master; it challenges a dog’s impulse control and patience, and asks them to maintain the behavior for a long period of time, even when your attention is elsewhere

If you’ve struggled with teaching your dog a reliable Stay, you’re not alone.

Today, we’re reviewing common stumbling blocks and sharing six tried-and-true strategies to help you move beyond the beginning stages of Stay, toward a strong, reliable skill that will serve you and your dog in everyday life.

Note:
There’s LOTS of great information in here. But there are a few key things I find particularly impactful—and so very simple—in building a more reliable Stay. I’ve highlighted those points with orange highlighter throughout.

Strategy #1. Use a Bed or Mat

If you’ve been working hard to teach a reliable Sit/Stay or a Down/Stay, switch it up and work on a Bed/Stay for a while instead.

For many dogs, it’s far easier to hold a long Stay on a bed or mat, as it offers them a clearly defined area to remain in. Plus, the comfort of a bed often makes it easier for them to settle and stay in place.

Trainer Tip: Don’t get stuck thinking the bed is only for indoor practice! When your dog is ready, bring your mat with you outside to practice in your yard, at the park, or at a quiet coffee shop. The mat is a familiar signal to your dog that you’ll be asking them to chill for a while. Cheap bath mats and kitchen mats work well for outdoor practice as they’re easily transportable and can also be thrown in the wash when needed.

Once your dog is skilled at holding longer bed/stays, you’ll likely find that those Sit/Stays and Down/Stays become much easier.

Strategy #2. Use the Right Body Language & Tone of Voice

There are a few simple adjustments you can make to your body language and speech to help your dog succeed with Stay.

Channel your inner Calm. To help your dog stay relaxed, maintain a calm, steady demeanor yourself. Dogs are incredibly sensitive to our energy, and they’re more likely to hold their Stay if you’re moving deliberately and remaining composed. (For more on how your calm helps your dog, check out our blog on co-regulation! [Link here])

Give Your Cue Effectively.

• Stay Still. Plant your feet in place (you can start to move around after you’ve given the cue, but staying still while you say “Stay” makes it easier for your dog to actually hear and process what it is you’re saying, as they’re not distracted by your movements).
• Stand Up Straight. Stand upright instead of bending over toward your dog while you give your cue…not matter whether they’re a teeny chihuahua or a Great Dane. Don’t sleep on this tip. It’s truly, truly a game-changer.
• Show Your Hand Signal. Show your Stay hand signal (stop sign) for 2-4 seconds when initially giving your Stay cue, then take it away. Keeping your hand signal present for a few seconds ensures your dog has time to see it and process its meaning. But leaving it up for too long means you risk teaching them that they only need to stay in place for as long as that hand signal is present, which isn’t at all practical in real-life applications.
• Use a Clear, Lowered Tone. Try to avoid sounding like a drill sergeant (STAY!!!!), or like you are tentatively asking a question, to which you expect the answer will be ‘no’ (Staaaaay?). Instead, use a pleasant, clear, matter-of-fact, and slightly lowered tone when saying “Stay”. The lowered tone can help promote relaxation.

I’ve seen countless owners who are using good rewards and practicing in a quiet environment, but are still struggling to get their dog to Stay. Often, just by making these small tweaks to body language and tone of voice, they see a significant, almost instant improvement in their dogs’ responses

Strategy #3: Reward Effectively

A successful “stay” relies on thoughtful, strategic rewards that build a strong history of reinforcement for staying in place, while also facilitating feelings of relaxation (it’s a lot easier to stay in place for long periods if you’re feeling relaxed and happy about doing so!).

Reward Type

Use Food. There are lots of different types of rewards we can use in training, but food is far and away the easiest, most efficient, and most effective reward to use with most dogs when working on Stay, in particular. Unlike petting or toys, which can raise excitement levels, food, used appropriately, can actually build feelings of relaxation and calm. That’s because food can help activate your dog’s parasympathetic nervous system, switching them into “rest-and-digest” mode.

• With food, it’s often best to start with something really high value, that’s soft and easy to chew/swallow (if you have a chompy dog who gets really amped up by food, try giving them licks of dog-safe peanut butter or cream cheese from a spoon or squeeze tube instead). Then, when you move out of the “high rate of reinforcement phase” (see below), switch to something more medium value that your dog really enjoys, but that doesn’t raise their excitement level to a point that’s counterproductive.

Skip the Petting. While petting is something many dogs enjoy, it can be distracting during Stays, so it’s usually best to skip it as a reward in this scenario. Pets and scratches can encourage your dog to snuggle closer or excite them such that they get up out of the Stay.

Rate of Reinforcement

Use a High Rate of Reinforcement. Start off using really high frequency of treats—reward your dog every 3-4 seconds initially, while they hold their stay. This fast reward rate does a few things:

• it quickly builds a strong history of reinforcement for staying in position (i.e., your dog learns, “holding a Stay works out great for me!”);
• it helps establish a positive conditioned emotional response about Stays (i.e., your dog feels, “holding a Stay makes me feel warm and fuzzy inside”); and,
• it keeps your dog engaged in the Stay without having the chance to even think about getting up, so they can be almost 100% successful in the earliest stages of teaching

It’s tempting to skip this step or think it’s unnecessary—especially if you’ve already been working on stays and feel your dog understands the concept. But truly, this is one of the most common things trainers do to very quickly get dogs to be happily plopping themselves into Stays and be in absolutely no hurry to get up.

You typically only need to use this high rate of reinforcement for a few training sessions, then you can quickly start to space out the rewards to a more reasonable pace. So, give it a try, even if you’ve already been working on stay for weeks, months, or years.

Trainer Tip: Keep this high rate or reinforcement strategy at the ready—even after your dog is pretty skilled with Stay—and use it for the first 20-ish seconds of a Stay whenever you and your dog practice in a new or more challenging environment. It can help them quickly settle in and increase the likelihood they’ll be successful in a more challenging scenario.

Reward Placement

We’ve covered what types of rewards to use, and how frequently to give them. Now, let’s talk about tweaking your reward placement. This is another simple thing trainers are always mindful of, one that can make a significant difference in helping a dog feel settled and solid in their Stay.

When you give a reward during a Stay, think about giving it in a way that makes it as easy as possible for your dog to remain relaxed and in position:

• If your dog is holding a Down/Stay or Bed/Stay, place the treat directly on the bed/ground, between your dog’s front paws, so all their weight can remain shifted down to the ground. It can be tempting to just hold the treat out above their nose so they have to reach up for it (so we don’t have to bed over quite so far), but this disrupts their relaxed, settled posture and increases the likelihood that the dog will break position. Note: If you have trouble bending over far enough to place the treat between their paws, you can practice softly tossing the treat between their paws instead.
• If your dog is holding a Sit/Stay, aim to bring the treat directly to their nose, rather than stopping your hand a few inches out in front of them, such that they have to reach forward for the treat and potentially pop themselves out of the sit position when doing so. Why aim for their nose rather than their mouth? It causes your dog to angle their head up ever so slightly; this helps keep their weight shifted back on their haunches and solidly in the Sit position.

Strategy #4: Remember the Three D’s of Difficulty

If you’re struggling to build a reliable stay, it may be because you’re trying to increase the difficulty level too quickly, without even realizing it. That’s because the challenge of “Stay” involves more than just how long you are asking your dog to stay in place. It also involves how close or far away you are from your dog, and what else is going on in the environment around them.

As you work to make your dog’s stay more reliable, keep in mind the Three D’s of difficulty: Duration, Distance, and Distractions.

It’s important to raise the difficulty level of only one of the “D’s” at a time, whenever possible:

Duration: whether you’re struggling to build reliability, or you’re just starting to teach “Stay”, it pays to start off focusing on duration, staying close to your dog (easy Distance) in a calm, quiet and familiar environment (low distractions).

Aim to build up so your dog can comfortably and reliably hold a Stay for 2-3 minutes under these conditions, before moving on to the other challenges of distance and distractions. Start with just a 10-15 second Stay, and try adding 10-15 seconds of duration each session. But, always watch for signs that your dog might need an “easy win”—a shorter-than-average Stay at which they can easily be successful.

Distance: Once your dog can hold a solid stay for a few minutes, begin increasing your distance from them. Move away gradually, but only for a few seconds initially. Return and reward frequently to reinforce the idea that you’ll come back to them. Personally, I like to re-issue the “Stay” cue each time after returning to give them a reward. So, Stay=>Step Away=>Return and Reward=>Stay/Hand Signal Again=>Step Away, etc.).

Note: when you start to increase distance, keep in mind that it’s easier for your dog if you stay facing them as you back away from them. They’re so used to following along when they see us turn our back and start to walk away (“oooh, where are you going? I’m coming too!”). Work up to turning your back to walk away by first just standing next to them and turning your back, then immediately turning back to them. Then, turn your back and take one step away, immediately return, etc.

Distractions: When your dog is ready, add small distractions. Start with minor things like turning your back (see above) or standing up and sitting down. Gradually introduce more challenging distractions, such as leaving the room briefly or dropping a toy. Then, move onto gradually more and more challenging real-world distractions.

Remember to keep duration and distance shorter as you introduce each new distraction level.

More on Difficulty Level:
Moving from Training Sessions to Real-Life Scenarios

It’s very common for folks to have difficulty making the leap from “practice” Stays to “real life” Stays. Their dogs do fantastic in targeted training sessions—complete with the owner tossing toys around, moving out of sight, etc.—but things quickly fall apart when they try to use the skill in real life. Why? Dogs are keen observers and quickly suss out when we’re totally focused on them during a training session vs. when our attention is elsewhere in real life. Things feel different.

Practice Real-Life Scenarios. If this sounds like your situation, try switching up how you behave during training sessions to make it feel more like real life. Tidy the living room, make a phone call, or pretend to be checking out at the pet store (seriously, it works). This helps your dog adjust to holding a “Stay” even when you’re not fully focused on them.

Strategy #5: Use a Consistent Release Cue

Does your dog usually hold a Stay pretty well for a while, but then eventually just get up and wander off? If so, make you are using a consistent release word, like “Okay” or “All Done” (we often couple this with ‘jazz hands’) to let them know when the Stay is over.

Often, owners will start off using a release word in early training sessions, but start to leave it out in real-life situations. For example, you might ask your dog to hold a Stay while you stop to give someone directions. But, when you’re finished, you just start walking again and expect your dog to follow. Or, you ask your dog to stay on their bed during a guest visit or during dinner, but at some point they get up and start doing something else that’s perfectly acceptable and not disruptive, so you don’t really even notice that they’ve ‘broken’ the Stay.

Over time, inconsistent use of a release cue means your dog may start guessing when they’re “free”, leading to confusion about what Stay really means.

Strategy #6: Build Reliability with Gentle Guidance

While not every trainer agrees, I highly recommend having your dog wear a drag line (lightweight leash) while you work on Stays.

Once a dog is doing well with shorter Stays—that is, they are relaxed and comfortable holding the position, and seem to thoroughly understand the concept of their release word—the drag line can become your key to building a ton of reliability in a gentle, structured way.

Here’s how it works:

• If your dog ‘breaks’ their Stay before you give the release word, give a calm, pleasant “nope”, “ope”, or “whoops” just as they start to get up from the stay (we like words that end in a ‘p’ sound because it’s really hard to sound harsh or frustrated when you say them!).
• Then, immediately, calmly and purposefully move toward them, pick up the end of their leash, and lead them back to their spot as you re-issue your cue (“Go to Bed”/Stay, for example).
• As you move toward your dog, keep your shoulders square to them, and maintain a calm demeanor.
• Resist the urge to rush at them, scold them, or make a loud/startling noise when they get up.
• Your attitude and movements should be kind, confident and matter-of-fact, sending the message, “whoops, we’re not quite finished yet bud. Let me help you back to your bed/back into your sit/etc.”

Over time, you’ll likely start to see that your dog puts themselves back into position when you give your calm “nope” or “whoops” and take that first relaxed step toward them. You no longer need to go all the way to them and lead them back with the help of the drag line at which point you can start to fade it away (in environments where it’s safe/appropriate for your dog to be off-leash).

Combining Rewards with the Drag Line:

The question often comes up: should I reward my dog for going back to their bed/back into a Sit or Down after they’ve broken a Stay? Recommendations can vary based on the dog and the situation, but here’s my general approach:

• The first several times you lead your dog back to their spot with help from the drag line, re-issue your cue, then reward them for returning.
• After a half-dozen or so times (which may occur over one training session or several, lead your dog back and reissue your cue, but offer only calm praise (no treat) when they get back in position.
• Why? If you continue to reward your dog for going back to their Stay immediately after ‘breaking’ it, you risk creating a behavior chain of “Break My Stay=>Get Led Back=> Get a Treat=>Break My Stay=>Get Led Back=>Get a Treat”).
• Once your dog is back on their bed/in their Sit/in their Down, return to your regular reward schedule.

In my experience, this simple, gentle use of a drag line—employed only after you’ve taught your dog to really enjoy Stays and built a strong history of reinforcement—is an incredibly effective way to build reliability.

Safety Note:

If your dog has a history of responding aggressively when you pick up their leash, or if they are extremely sensitive to you approaching them (vs allowing them to come to you), consult with your trainer or behavior consultant before trying this approach.

Reliability is Important. And…

The six strategies outlined above are ones that we use often and effectively to build reliable Stays with dogs of wide range of breeds and temperaments. We hope they’re effective for you, too! Because, reliability is a critical component of any training skill. But it’s not the only thing to consider.

Below, we’re reviewing three important things to keep in mind as you work on building the reliability of your dog’s stay, in order to protect their behavioral health and their safety.

Be Fair! Respect Your Dog’s Needs

Protect their Personal Space. Avoid asking your dog to Stay in situations where their personal space may be invaded, such as when other people or dogs approach them (this is contrary to the long-standing “best-practice” of asking your dog to hold a Sit while someone pets them). Respecting their personal space helps build a “stay” behavior that feels secure and pleasant for them.

Consider their Physical Comfort. If your dog has sore hips, a sore back, etc., it likely won’t be very comfortable for them to hold a Sit for any length of time (and yes, a Sit/Stay is just different than your dog choosing to hang out in a Sit position on their own). If your dog has a really short coat and is sensitive to cold, asking them to lay down on cold/damp concrete may be truly uncomfortable for them. Adapt your ‘ask’ so it works for both of you.

Consider their Emotional Comfort. Watch for signs that your dog is struggling, and make adjustments to help ease their stress. Signs to watch for include:

• Constantly breaking the Stay without holding it for more than a few seconds, when they can usually hold the Stay reliably in other settings
• Showing signs of stress like whining, panting, turning their head away, or sniffing the ground excessively
• Reluctance to go back to the “stay” position or bed
• Loss of interest in food rewards they normally take enthusiastically

If you see the signs above, it’s a good time to lower the difficulty level. Shorten the duration, increase your reward rate, or reduce distractions temporarily—or just abandon the Stay entirely and move along, or if you need to remain where you are, reward your dog for just hanging out next to you in whatever position they want.

Beyond Training

If a dog has chronic difficulty holding stays outside the home, it may indicate they are actually anxious, fearful, or otherwise uncomfortable in their environment.

Holding a Stay can make an anxious or fearful dog feel vulnerable. And for highly agitated or aroused dogs, holding their body still for any length of time can feel next to impossible. In these cases, it’s time to switch your focus toward building confidence and helping your dog feel more comfortable moving through the world.

Once they’re more comfortable in their environment, Stays will feel a whole lot easier.

The Benefits of a Strong Stay

Teaching your dog a strong Stay offers benefits that go beyond the skill itself:

• A Stronger Relationship: A reliable Stay, taught through rewards and gentle guidance, builds trust and reinforces your role as a dependable and capable leader.
• Improved Impulse Control: Practicing Stay builds patience and helps your dog learn to manage excitement (and mind their business) in the face of interesting distractions.
• Opens New Opportunities: With a solid Stay, your dog can confidently join you in more scenarios, like outdoor dining, family visits, and more.

With patience, practice, and thoughtful guidance, you can help your dog learn a relaxed, confident, and reliable Stay.

Remember that even small steps forward are big achievements. And if you feel stuck, we’re here to help!

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