Co-Regulation: Do Dogs Really Feed Off Our Energy?

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Co-Regulation: How Your Calm Can Help Soothe Your Dog

Have you ever been lucky enough to spend time with someone whose mere presence helps you feel safer, more at-ease, less stressed…no matter what else is going on around you? Perhaps a particular friend or loved one who is quick to come over after a bad day and offer you their calm, steady presence—along with complete and utter acceptance of your feelings. They don’t try to jump in and fix things or tell you what to do about the situation—though they may gently guide you into the kitchen, fix you a cup of tea, and sit with you while you drink it.

In situations like these, the other person’s calm presence helps you feel more grounded and allows you to move through your stress more quickly than if you were left to deal with it on your own.

This is the essence of a scientifically-supported concept called ‘co-regulation’, and it works the same way with dogs as it does with people: When your dog is anxious, overstimulated, or overwhelmed, their nervous system shifts into overdrive, and they may have difficulty settling on their own. But, they can borrow some of your calm to help their nervous system ‘reset’ to a more balanced state.

Co-regulation is a powerful tool in building your dog’s confidence and sense of safety as they move through the world. But it’s easier said than done.

Today, we’re talking about what co-regulation is, why it can be such a challenge to implement during moments of stress (and why it’s worth the effort), along with our top tips for becoming an expert ‘co-regulator’ for your dog.

What is Co-Regulation?

When your dog is experiencing Big Feelings—anxiety, frustration, or overstimulation—their nervous system shifts into a heightened state, similar to what happens to us during moments of panic or overwhelm. Those Big Feelings often translate into “problem” behaviors: excessive barking, pacing, whining, lunging or snapping, struggling to settle, etc.

Enlist help from a partner, friend, or family member to come to your house and hand out treats for you. Co-regulation is the process of helping your dog manage their emotions—and the behaviors associated with them—by staying calm, present, and supportive when they feel stressed, anxious, or overwhelmed. Think of it as emotional teamwork—when your dog’s emotions feel too big for them to handle on their own, they can borrow some of your calmness to help settle their nervous system.

Your emotional steadiness shows them, through your mere presence, “I’ve got you. You are safe. We will be okay.” Over time, this creates a feedback loop of trust and regulation between you and your dog.

Co-Regulation is HARD. Here’s Why.

Co-regulation might sound simple, but it isn’t easy—especially when your dog is experiencing Big Feelings. That’s because emotions are a two-way street—yes, we can influence our dogs’ emotions, but they influence ours, too! This happens through powerful evolutionary phenomena called emotional contagion and emotional mirroring.

• Emotional Contagion refers to the way emotions spread from one individual to another, often without us even realizing it. When your dog is panicking, whining, or pacing, it’s normal to feel a rise in *your* stress levels too. Their anxiety tugs on your emotions just like a baby’s cry or a toddler’s meltdown can cause a visceral response in a parent.
• Emotional Mirroring goes a step beyond emotional contagion. It’s the idea that dogs reflect not just how we feel, but how we act. For example, if you’re rushed and agitated, your dog might start pacing or whining in response—not because they understand the source of your stress, but because they’re mimicking your heightened energy. Similarly, if you soften your voice, slow your movements, or take deep breaths, your dog is likely to mirror these calm behaviors, too.

Emotional contagion and emotional mirroring are thought to have evolved as helpful survival mechanisms for social species that live in groups. Emotional contagion, for example, helps animals to quickly detect and respond to potential threats in their environment. If one member of a group senses danger, like a predator nearby, their fear or alertness spreads to others and prepares the entire group to react in sync, increasing the chances that more members of the group will survive the threat. Emotional mirroring helps individuals show empathy and/or understanding to others in the group, which prompts cooperation, strengthens bonds, and promotes trust—all of which allow for a better functioning unit.

We Can Do Hard Things.

So how is co-regulation even possible? How are we supposed to stay calm, cool and collected when we are hardwired to be influenced by our dogs’ heightened stress levels?

Co-regulation is an intentional act. Instead of being swept up by emotional contagion or mirrored stress when our dog has Big Feelings, we can learn to actively manage our emotions to help our dog do the same.

Co-regulation is all about about taking charge of your emotional state and behavior—slowing your breathing, keeping your energy calm—so your dog has something steady to anchor to, even in moments when their world feels chaotic. It’s a challenge, but it’s possible, with a little practice.

How to Practice Co-Regulation with Your Dog:
Forget About Trying to “Stay Calm”

Ready to give co-regulation a try? If you’re anything like me, just telling yourself to “stay calm” can be a less-than effective strategy in times of stress.

Instead of focusing on trying to stay calm during your dog’s Big Feelings Moments, which can sometimes create an inner struggle (“But I don’t feel calm!”), try reframing co-regulation as a powerful act of love. Yes, it’s corny, but stay with me: In moments when your dog is stressed, anxious, or frustrated, co-regulation is an opportunity to show them what love looks like—even when they aren’t at their best.

To put this into practice, first consider what you believe love should look like when your dog feels overwhelmed/anxious/frustrated/etc. Maybe, for you, showing love to a frustrated dog looks like being patient, staying quiet, gently holding boundaries, and offering steady guidance. Picture this in advance, when things are calm, so you’re ready when the moment comes.

Then, when Big Feelings arise, try saying to yourself, “This is what love looks like when you feel frustrated.” And just…act it out. Don’t worry what emotions you are or aren’t feeling.

Over time, you may find that co-regulation starts to feel more natural—even when things get challenging—because you’re not fighting with yourself to “stay calm.” You’re just doing your best to show up with love. And that has the power to bring you both back to center.

Other Co-Regulation Tips

1. Breathe Slowly and Relax Your Body
Dogs are incredibly sensitive to body language, tone, and energy. Take deep, steady breaths and keep your body relaxed. Your dog will begin to feel that calm too, even if they’re still overwhelmed.

2. Use a Gentle Voice to Reassure
Use soft, low, relaxed tones to facilitate calm, rather than excited or harsh ones. Offer simple reassurances that feel natural to you (“I know buddy, you’re frustrated right now. I hear you.”). Just remember: it’s not about the exact words you say, but about your tone/pitch/pace of speech and the underlying emotional state they convey.

Follow up by giving clear, specific direction (Let’s Go, Go to Your Bed, etc.) as appropriate.

3. Sit Quietly with Them if Needed
Sometimes, the best thing you can do is just be there. Sit beside your dog, offering your quiet presence. For some dogs, slow, rhythmic petting or a calm hand resting on their side can help them relax.

4. Move with Purpose
If you need to move your dog away from a trigger or to a quieter environment to work through their feelings, use deliberate, purposeful movements that convey the message, “I’ve got this. I know what to do and I’m here to help.” Tentative movements can convey insecurity and uncertainty on your part, while sudden or forceful movements can heighten states of fear or agitation.

5. Don’t Expect Perfection
It’s impossible to be perfectly regulated all the time, especially when someone you love is feeling distressed. You’re a living, breathing, social being. Don’t expect perfection from yourself. Just aim for better, and know that your dog will benefit greatly from your efforts.

The Impacts of Co-Regulation

The more you practice co-regulation, the more your dog learns that *you* are their safe place, no matter what’s happening around them. Over time, this helps them feel more confident in stressful situations because they know they’re not facing it alone—you’ve got their back. With your steady presence, their brain can shift out of “fight or flight” mode and into a more thoughtful, relaxed state.

The really cool part about co-regulation is, this process isn’t just about soothing individual moments of stress. It also teaches your dog how to regulate their emotions more effectively on their own, over time.

The result? A stronger, more resilient bond between you and your dog built on trust, safety, and connection.

Co-Regulation is Not a Miracle Cure

Wouldn’t it be wonderful if, just by taking control of our own emotions, we could resolve all of our dogs’ fear, anxiety, and stress?

In reality, while co-regulation is a powerful tool, it isn’t a stand-alone solution for dogs who experience chronic fear, anxiety, and stress. Our influence has limits! (For more on that, check out our blog, “Anxious Dog, Anxious Owner?”)

Instead, co-regulation is often the “missing piece” that allows your other efforts—like training and environmental management—to truly take hold. By helping your dog feel safe and grounded in moments of stress, you create the emotional stability they need to absorb and respond to the guidance and structure you’ve worked hard to put in place.

Final Thoughts
Co-regulation is about being your dog’s emotional anchor. In times of stress, your calm, steady presence can tell your dog: We’re in this together, and I’ve got you. And that’s one of the most meaningful ways to show them love.

Do you have thoughts to share about co-regulation?
Send us an email at [email protected]

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